A Guide To Getting Through To Your Teen

In addition to my keynote speaking and guidance for adults as individuals as well as companies, I have also held many workshops in and out of schools, teaching leadership behavior, building better relationships, and strategic skill building. Teenagers are far more receptive to new concepts than most adults are, and are at the point in time where a little knowledge can help build a very strong foundation.

But teenagers can also be incredibly frustrating, and dealing with them can sometimes feel like trying to break down a wall with a pillow. So, from my experience and perspective, here are some ways to really get through to a teenager:

When you’re raising a teenager, it can feel like you and your child are in two different worlds. Many teenagers feel that their parents can’t possibly understand what they’re going through, and they turn to a number of coping mechanisms such as staying silent or exploding. While these coping mechanisms put strain on the relationship, so do the ways that you interact with your teen in these times of conflict. Here are a few tips on get through to your teen:

To get your child to have an open mind, you need to begin all interactions with understanding. Do this even if you don’t understand or agree. It will be difficult, but it will “open your child’s ears.” For example, if your child is getting preoccupied with a conflict with their friends instead of studying, you may immediately get angry and concerned about your child’s grades. But if you start out by saying that you know it’s hard to have a fight with a friend, your child will listen to you. Make sure you don’t say “I understand, but” because this will negate your statement of understanding.

When you’re trying to communicate with your teen, your emotions can work against you. Separating from your emotions for the moment is difficult, but it is a skill that can be learned. Do away with the idea that what your teen does is a reflection on you. The fact that your child is making their own choices doesn’t give you grounds to be mad at them. Even if your teen is making a bad choice, they may not have the skill set to make a better one. Realize that your job as a parent is to guide your child to make better choices and in turn gain a better skill set. Thinking about your job as a parent can make the conversation less emotional.

An important rule of thumb is to wait until you and your child have both calmed down before doing anything. Don’t try to resolve a conflict or bring up a difficult subject in the heat of the moment. You can choose to say nothing until the emotions have settled. Let your child know that they can speak with you when they are ready to approach you calmly.

Understanding is at the core of building a strong relationship with your teen. But don’t forget to stand your ground. You do not need validation or cooperation from your teen. If you feel that you need these things from your child to feel better, you are putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. If you don’t get these supposed needs, you will be more controlling and manipulative. If your child is acting out, that is the child’s problem, not yours. You should instead be concerned with how you will behave toward your teen. Your child will be less defiant and you will be making better choices for yourself.

Trying to talk to your teen can sometimes make you feel like you’re on two different wavelengths. But with a little patience, effort, and understanding, you can get through to your teen. Once this becomes a habit, you can work to build a strong, loving and healthy relationship.

The Speaker’s Dictionary Q-Z

Welcome back to The Alphabet of Public Speaking, a series where I give you some quick tips for being a better public speaker. You can read part one and part two on this site. Today, we’re going to finish up the alphabet with some more important terms you should know:

Questions – As a public speaker, it’s a great idea to ask your audience questions. Some questions will be rhetorical to get the audience thinking, and others will require audience participation. Getting your audience involved is crucial to a good speech. People will feel like they are an important part of your speech if you get them to say what you are trying to convey.

Repetition – When you’re writing a paper, you often try not to be too repetitive. But for speeches, repetition can be a good thing. No one is a perfect listeners, so even if your speech is engaging, your audience members will tune out at points. It’s a good idea to repeat important phrases and ideas so that everyone has fully absorbed them.

Simplicity – If you want people to take away the main points of your speech, make sure to keep your speech simple. Make your speech short, sweet, and to the point. Make sure you have a limited number of main points and you communicate those points clearly.

Target audience – It would be lovely to get through to every single audience member. But realistically, this isn’t likely to happen. Large audiences are bound to be filled with people who have different interests. Figure out which part of your audience you most want to persuade, and work hard to persuade them. If you persuade anyone else along the way, that’s an added bonus.

Universal human values – People have many differences, whether they’re personal, cultural, or social. But the Institute for Global Ethics has identified eight values that transcend these differences. These values are fairness, love, freedom, truthfulness, tolerance, responsibility, unity, and respect for life. If you tap into these values, you will be able to connect with a lot of people in your audience.

Vocal variety – Nobody wants to listen to a monotonous speaker. The best way to give a successful speech is to vary the way you are speaking. Change up the pitch, rate, and volume of your speech to make your speaking style more expressive. This will get audience members engaged and keep them on their toes.

Working outline – Many people write outlines when getting ready to write papers, so why should this be any different for speeches? A working outline is a tentative outline that includes a speech’s major points, how they fit together, and how important they are relative to one another. This will serve as a guide to help you write and deliver a powerful speech.

(e)Xamples – If you want to be sure that your audience understands the key parts of your presentation, including examples can do the trick. To illustrate a point that is not very complex, but may not be immediately obvious to all audience members, you can give a brief example. If you’re discussing a more complex topic that your audience is likely to be unfamiliar with, you can go ahead and give an extended example. Short stories in the form of anecdotes are easy to relate to.

(Be) Yourself – A speech should be practiced, but it shouldn’t be so formulaic that you lose your individuality. Feel free to add bits of your personality, whether that’s making jokes or telling a little bit about your personal story. Just make sure that these parts of your speech are also rehearsed. It won’t look professional to do them off the cuff.

Zeal – If you’re giving a speech, you have to have zeal for what you’re talking about. If you’re enthusiastic about the topic of your speech, this will shine through. When you deliver a speech with passion, you can transfer that passion to your audience and they can leave your speech with some interesting takeaways. 
Thank you for reading my series The Alphabet of Public Speaking. I hope you learned something, and I hope you’ll continue to tune in for more blog posts about public speaking.